Halloween 2012 - recap

Jacob had a wonderful Halloween this year. the festivities started with the annual children's Halloween party at daddy's work (Berkshire Hills) on Tuesday 10/23. jacob's friend, Sara Isby, was going to join us as she did in 2011. I picked the kids up from school and we met conny and baby Lucas at the party. Jacob was a green Dino (costume made by Grandma!)

Then, a week later we have Halloween! I drove Jacob and Sara to Sara's house because we were going Trick-or-Treating there like we did in 2011. Conny and Dave live on a great dead end road and it is the perfect amount of houses for Sara and Jacob. Ocnny adn i went with teh kids, while dave and josh handed out candy. Once we were all trick-or-treated out, we enjoyed a pizza dinner!

It was such a great night. Here is a look back to Halloween 2011: (notice a theme in the costumes?)

Sewing

I am taking up sewing. I have sewn a little…in the past….in high school….almost 15 years ago, but I am ready to dive in. Josh offered to get me a machine for my bday and when we moved Jacob into the guest room, his old room (the old office) turned into an area for storage and a sewing area. We moved in a little table and I had myself a little sewing nook. During naptime on Sunday, I set up the sewing machine and walked myself through the manual, and threaded a bobbin and my top thread.

 

 Last night I set forth to make Jacob a bed skirt (we picked out fabric and ribbon on Sunday morning – he picked the colors). I am not working from a pattern for this little project, but it should be simple enough (or should I say, I am keeping it really simple). Wish me luck! I will post an after picture!

Jacob's Fall Progress Report Preschool One: Fall 2012

Williams College Children’s Center

44 Whitman St.

Williamstown, MA 01267

413-597-4800

Parent/Teacher Conference Report

Child: Jacob Hillman                                                                                                                           Date of Birth: 10/11/2012

Parent/Guardian:  Angie Hillman

Parent/Guardian: Josh Hillman

Teacher:                Shana Shippee, Blake Johnson and Roberta sweet                                                      Classroom: Preschool One

Autumn Conference:                                                                                                     Date:  11-6-2012

In Attendance: Angie Hillman, Josh Hillman and Shana Shippee

Child’s Interests and Unique ways the child engages in play

Jacob is driven by curiosity and playfulness. He notices new items in the classroom immediately and will begin investigating them as soon as he sees them. He often likes to start his day by sitting quietly with mom or dad at drop off and sharing an activity with them. Then he will usually transition to playing quietly with a teacher before going off on his own or with friends to explore. Jacob loves conversation. He likes sharing stories about things he has done at home or things that have happened to him in the past. He has told his teachers several stories about what he used to do when he was a baby and he loves telling us stories about his dog Cooper. Jacob is very active and he enjoys playing games that incorporate elements of movement. He loves being silly and we hear him laughing frequently throughout the day. He really enjoys building toys such as Lego’s and Magna tile blocks and he will sit contently for long periods of time building elaborate structures. He also spends a lot of time in the dramatic play area and enjoys dressing up and trying on different outfits.  He incorporates pretend writing into his play which is an important step toward early literacy.

Relationships (peer & teacher)

Jacob has many friends in the classroom. There are several children that he spends a great deal of time with and that he seeks out over others but he really is friends with everyone. Jacob is very caring and gentle. He loves giving hugs to his classmates and parents have commented on his kindness when they see his interactions with their children. Jacob is friendly with everyone that walks into the classroom. He has a genuine interest in the people in his environment and he enjoys spending time with people. We often find him in small groups of children, sitting and acting out play scenarios. There are times during the day that he can become a little physical with his peers, especially if he is feeling silly or sees that other children are playing in a physical type of manner. We have reminded him in these types of situations that not all of his friends like to play in this way. Jacob has formed trusting relationships with all of his caregivers and will come to us if he needs assistance and to share his lively ideas.  He also likes his teachers to act as an audience for his play scenarios.

Language development & Expression of child’s needs, feelings and thoughts 

Jacob is very expressive and loves to just sit and talk. He has a large vocabulary and likes learning new words. He is easily able to communicate what he is feeling when he needs to. There have been a couple of occasions where Jacob has had his feelings hurt and he lets his peers or teachers know if this was the case. Usually a quick hug and a little communication between him and the other party is all it takes to make him feel better. He has a lot of great ideas and he likes sharing his thoughts. He often becomes very excited and will talk so fast that we have to ask him to slow down a little so that we can understand what he is saying. He is genuinely happy and has a terrific sense of humor often giggling as he shares stories with his teachers or friends.

Response to group learning

Jacob enjoys group learning situations. He sometimes will become a little over stimulated if the energy level in the room is high or there are a lot of other things happening. He loves stories and has favorite books that he will request, usually ones that have something funny happening in them! He asks a lot of questions to further his understanding about specific topics and he usually volunteers information as well. He has the ability to be very focused on a topic, especially if it is something that is very interesting to him. He enjoys silly songs that we sing and will often ask for favorite songs if I forget to sing them. He really enjoys when we play Do a Trick and always has an interesting trick to show everybody!

Independence

Jacob is generally very independent. He will at times need reminders during classroom clean up situations or when it is time to get ready to go outside to play but after a couple of reminders he will complete these tasks without assistance. Lately he has been very excited about getting ready to go outside “fast” and he will quickly find all of the items that he needs and get himself ready. He will often ask for help at lunchtimes with his opening his lunch, even if it is something that he has done on his own before. We continue to encourage him to do these types of things when he is able to. He cleans up quickly after lunch and snack and is almost always one of the first children to clean up his rest items after nap time. He is very independent with toileting and is moving closer and closer to not needing pull-ups during rest.

Health, Physical Development & Stamina

Jacob is very healthy and active. He enjoys movement and all gross motor activities. He shows a lot of enthusiasm for sports and shows a lot of athletic ability. He enjoys our walks to the library and other walks that we go on and he really loves just running around on the playground. He rides the bikes and scooters often and has great balance. He has a healthy appetite and eats well most days. During rest time he settles himself by moving around on his cot a bit and talking quietly to himself and then he usually drifts off to sleep on his own. He wakes up happy, sometimes sitting on his cot for a few minutes before getting up to use the bathroom and play. He is a good napper and usually sleeps for a couple of hours every day.

New information shared by the parents about their child

·         Jacob enjoys coming to school and playing with his friends

·         He talks about several of his classmates at home

·         He has an excellent memory

·         He has been staying up later and later, especially when he takes long naps at school

·         He has been pushing some limits at home

               

Parent & teacher hopes for the child for the coming year

·         That Jacob is able to enjoy the company of his friends without  being overly physical

·         That his natural curiosity and his desire to figure out the way the world works is supported and encouraged

·         That he continues to find joy in his physical play and that he be given as many opportunities as possible to engage in these activities

·         That he continues to develop his already vast vocabulary and that his natural skill for the use of descriptive language and story-telling be further developed

Pumpkin Patch

One of the activities we did while Jacob was down-and-out with a broken collarbone was make pumpkins. I cut out orange circles and then yellow eyes/mouths/noses of various designs and let Jacob glue everything in place. He loved it and I loved watching him create!

1st Broken Bone

Today Jacob broke his first bone - his left collar bone. I got a call from Jacob's teacher at about 11:30 on Thursday. Shana said that Jacob was on top of the slide on the climbing structure and a classmate came up behind him and accidentally pushed him and Jacob fell off and landed on his back. Shana went on to say that he seemed to be fine - was really upset and crying a lot, but had calmed down, and walked by himself to the teachers. I said ok and to call if they needed anything else. About 5 minutes later, I got a call back saying that they reconsidered and that I should take him to the Dr because he was wincing in pain whenever he moved his left shoulder. I left work and went to pick the little guy up. He was laying down in the classroom when I got there; the director was reading him a story. He was not crying, but began crying when he saw me. I loaded him up in the car and we went to the hospital.

 

 

 

 

We waited for a little bit and then got called in for an x-ray. Jacob cried a little, but he was really good. The Dr. came in after looking at the films to say that he had a broken collar bone. :( (I will mention that when the Dr. came in, the door squeaked. When the Dr. said "it's broken" I initially thought she was talking about the door.)

 

We then had to wait a while longer for discharge papers, a sling, and pain medicine. So, we made funny faces (below is Jacob's pretend "sad" face), watched Barney, and ate his lunch. Once we got his sling we headed home.

 

 

 

Get better little guy! Lots of down time in our future - tv, arts and crafts and books!

Coffee Shop and Puddle Jumping

Occasionally after church, Jacob and I will drive the little ways down Spring St. to the local coffee shop. On this Sunday, we decided to walk down. It was raining and I had an umbrella in my trunk so I figured why not. We walked down, grabbed a cookie, bagel, and drinks and had a leisurely late breakfast. (We went casual to church that day because it was rainy and cold!)

On the way back to the car, I let Jacob jump in the puddles. He thought it was the coolest thing and had the time of his life! It was fun to see the joy in getting wet/dirty can bring to this little guy. Makes me realize that it really is the little things that matter!

Three Years Old

Jacob: You are three! Three years old! You are so very much loved and make me and your daddy’s life so fun! Yes, it is a lot of work….but you are teaching me to slow down and enjoy this stage of toddler hood.

Your personality:
You are a three-year-old in every sense of the word. You are starting to voice your opinion in terms of what you are wearing, whether or not you participate in swim class, and if you do or don’t want your picture taken. You are also really into being a team with mommy and like with I wear my mother’s necklace with your birth stone in it. If I am not wearing it you ask me to put on our “team necklace.” For the most part you are a very easy toddler – willing to tag along with mommy and listen to directions. If you do get upset, you are easily distractible and stop whining/crying if I start asking you about other things. You are always on the go…playing with everything, wanting to go outside, always asking “what’s next mommy.” I love that you want to do everything and experience lots of things. I hope that continues in the future. You love your friends at school and talk about them all the time. You are funny and have started making up verses to songs or make up songs all together. Your laugh is incredible…daddy can get you laughing so hard that I swear you will stop breathing….you laugh so hard that you literally don’t make a sound for a few seconds….it is the best thing to witness ever!

Your current loves:
1. Sports! You LOVE playing anything but current favorites are golf, hockey, baseball, and soccer. You also love to swim! You do really well at dribbling a soccer ball and when I ask if you want to pass with me you dribble the ball right “past” me saying that you “passed me.” You don’t understand yet that passing the ball and running past someone are two different things. You are also really good at hitting a baseball (a softball sized wiffle ball). You can hit of a pitch and I am constantly amazed with how far you can hit it. We play indoor hockey from time-to-time and you do really well with your stick handling. I am sure once we get on the ice that your skills will improve quickly. You love playing golf with daddy. We will go out and “play” a few holes with you. You miss the ball a lot, but once you make contact, the ball just flies! I am sure you will be playing a lot of golf in the future. This winter daddy and I will take you skiing so I am sure you will add another love to your list of sports.

2. You love watching your shows. Right when you wake up in the morning (between 5:45-6:30am – always), our routine is to bring you in our bed and turn on a show. This gives mommy and daddy a little more time to rest. You also watch a show before going to bed (1 or 2 15-minute shows: Barney or Bernstein Bears usually) while having a Popsicle or frozen go-gurt. Occasionally some children’s shows are on during the day, but not often. If they are, you are usually playing with toys periodically checking out whatever show is on. You are starting to like the Fresh Beat Band (non-cartoon show).

3. Babies: You want mommy to have a baby so bad (and we are trying buddy…we are!). you constantly say “mommy, I want a baby so mad! (bad)” You randomly just start talking about how when you have a baby sister/brother (it changes daily in regard to which one you want) you will help them to walk and share your toys. So precious. You love playing with your cousin Tony and are very good with him!

4. Going on “guy trips” with daddy (4-wheeling/playing in the back yard/playing in the stream/fishing). You guys are going to do so many fun things together as you get older. I am sure you will do lots of skiing together this winter. Also love “guys’ night” with daddy and Mike – usually involves pizza when I go out with friends.

Favorite Foods:  pizza, broccoli, fruit (watermelon, cantaloupe, apples, grapes, banana), yogurt, granola bars, fruit snacks, pretzels, golf fish, cheese, crackers, cheese sticks, steak, popsicles, bagels, ice cream. You actually like a lot of foods, however, these are your favorite.

You are getting so big. You can almost reach the faucet in the sink to wash your hands yourself. You are really starting to dress yourself and you are doing really well with the potty. Just over the last week you have been doing really well at going #2 in the potty. You have been really good at #1, but getting you to go #2 has been a challenge. But, just this last week you have been going in the potty!

Jacob, mommy loves you so very much! You have taught me so much over the past three years. I am looking forward to continuing learning from you and I hope that your childhood is everything you ever wanted and more!

Love you so very much!
mommy!  

Jacob's Birth Story - three year's late!

Jacob, on the eve of your 3^rd birthday, I feel as though it is (finally!) time to document the story of your birth. Although there may be some details that I have forgotten over the past three years, the beginning and the end remain the same: We loved you from the moment we knew we were expecting you and when you arrived; our love for you grew and grew! 

On Monday October 5^th, my doctor suggested I go on modified bed rest because of some high blood pressure and swelling in my feet, which meant for me – no more work. I was still able to take Cooper for short, easy walks, do laundry, cook dinner, etc. but I was encouraged to take it slow and listen to my body. I was confident that you were safe and healthy, and excited to have a month “off” before your arrival. On Sat. October 10^th I was nervous that my blood pressure would be high and I would not know it, so once I awoke (10am’ish) I drove to Stop and Shop to take my blood pressure. I don’t know exactly what it was, but it was high. I called grandpa who said to call my Dr. I called and they said to come in right away. I went in with an empty stomach and confidence that I would be home by dinner (I left Cooper home because the week before, October 6^th, I went in with some headaches and brought Cooper with me. They almost admitted me, but after realizing that I was only 36 weeks, they said to go home and stay in bed as much as possible). I called daddy who was working a major tournament and we kept in touch throughout the day.  

The nurses had me hooked up on a fetal monitor and watched your movement and heartbeat. I had to drink some water because I was a little dehydrated. They kept on monitoring me and the more I watched their body language, the more nervous I was (not really nervous, just starting to wonder what was up). They called down to radiation and scheduled me to get a full anatomy check where they look at every inch of you in utero. I still had not had anything to eat, but I was more concerned about you so I did not really feel hungry, and I always thought that I would be leaving “in just a little bit” so I figured that I would eat at home. At some point in the late afternoon/early evening daddy came and the nurses continued to monitor me/you. Around 6pm, I realized that I should order some dinner and the nurses brought me a menu. No sooner had the nurses placed my dinner request was Dr. Yates in the room saying that they noticed that with every contraction (so little that I could not even feel them) your heart rate was slowing. They were going to induce me and I should not eat anything in case they needed to schedule me for a C-section. With the Pitocin (medicine to induce labor) they noticed that your heart rate was slowing even more. So they stopped that and scheduled a C-section for 8am the next morning. Dr. Yates didn’t want me to go into full labor and then have an emergency in the middle of the night. So – they called it quits (stopped the Pitocin). Daddy went home to pack some stuff for me and stay with Cooper and I tried to get some sleep.  

The next morning daddy arrived at 7am and I got prepped for surgery. Surgery was at 8am. I got wheeled in and daddy waited until I was prepped and ready to go. The spinal tap made me really sick to my stomach (I was so hungry and I could feel my stomach growling even though I was numb from the waist down) and I threw-up a few times. The Doctors gave me some anti-nausea medicine and I was good to go. You were born at 8:26am and were perfect! 5lbs 3 oz and 18 in. Daddy went with you to the nursery while I got sewed up and wheeled back into my room. It took forever for me to see you because you were having some issues (low blood sugar and slight jaundice). But, when I finally saw you I fell in love again. You were absolutely perfect! You had to stay attached to some sugar water to help with your blood sugar and under the bili light so that your jaundice would go away. Because of these two things you stayed in the nursery for the majority if time, but when you needed to eat, you were brought to me and I could walk across the hall to the nursery whenever I wanted to. I would like to say that you spent your first nights sleeping next to me in your little crib, and that I held you for every minute of the day during those first few days, but I was unable to – you needed your bili light to make you healthy so it was important for you to stay in the nursery. You looked so cute in there – with your little sunglasses on. You were a little glow worm. Three days passed and while your blood sugar improved, your platelet count was decreasing. On Wed, October 14^th our nurses/doctors decided it best to send you down to Baystate, which is part #2 of your birth story.

 

Bathing Cousins

While Jacob and I were on the Cape for Columbus Day Weekend, cousin Tony was staying at grandma and grandpa's because of Kaiyla's surgery. Jacob loved having Baby Tony there and loved to "help babysit" his cousin. He really LOVES this little guy and it is easy to see why....he is ADORABLE! I have more pictures that I need to get up here of the two little devils, but these pictures from my phone will have to do.

CUTENESS!

Walt Disney World with "two Grandma's!"

this is a place holder until I can properly document this wonderful trip! needless to say, Jacob had a WONDERFUL time!

Update

Oh my goodness! I want to/need to be better about writing here! I never finished our Disney vacation recap (I still want to do that!) and have not done a monthly post about Jacob since January! Anyway - so much has been happening. We have been busy, busy!

Jacob notes:
Hysterical little guy! I love hanging with the little man. He is growing up so quickly! The other day he mentioned that he was going to go downstairs and make breakfast - and he started to! Pulled out the waffles from the freezer and got his stool out so that he could stand at the counter and put them in the toaster! For the past week we have been starting the potty training journey - Whenever he needs to go he says: "I got a feeling" and he heads to the potty. He has been doing well, still in diapers at nap/bed time and when out doing errands and diapers for #2, but the accidents have been decreasing. actually, 4 days into training I picked him up from school and he was in the same clothes I dropped him off in!

Jacob was really stuttering so we had him evaluated by Early Intervention. They think it will go away and that it is just because he has a really advanced vocabulary and his brain is working faster than his speech. He was evaluated about two months ago and the stuttering is already subsiding. I guess they were right. A piece of the evaluation is a cognitive test, which he did really well at. Tested above his age level.
Memories about Jacob I never want to forget:
* I have a mother necklace. Jacob was asking about it the other day and I was telling him that daddy got it for me after Jacob was born. We are connected in it, which means we are a team. Now, whenever I am not wearing it and Jacob notices he asks me to put on my team necklace.
*Every August I take a week off when daycare is closed. Last year Jacob and I flew down to FL to go on vacation with mom and dad. This year dad did not want to take off more time from work so mom, Sandi, Jacob, and I are going to FL (staying at Vistana and going to Disney some). Jacob is so excited and when asked who we are going to FL with he says "both my grandmas!"
*If I ask Jacob to do something he says, "ok, momma" in the sweetest little voice.
*Jacob LOVES LOVES to swim and has been doing really well with just his little swim vest. Jumping off diving boards and everything!

This past weekend (June 23-24):
Saturday: LAUNDRY in the morning. Our washing machine is broken while potty training! So, Jacob and I did some laundry in the morning then headed to Berkshire Hills (daddy's work pool) and did some swimming. Then it was home for a nap. When Jacob woke up we did some errands and Megan came over with dinner - stuffed shells!

Sunday: Took Cooper for a walk then headed to Ioka Valley Farm for strawberry picking. No strawberries this year, but the farm playground was free so we played there for a little bit. Then we went home and changed into our suits and headed over to The Springs for a little swimming. It was wonderful - we were two of three people there for the majority of our time there. Then it was home for naps (me included). When we woke up (4'ish) we headed to the store for some groceries to make chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches! Then dinner (Jacob helped pick up some of his toys) and bed.

A few weekends ago we had a wedding celebration to go to for a great family friend. A friend got some great pictures of Jacob! LOVE the little man in blue!

I will be back soon! Promise!

Disney 2012

What an AMAZING trip. Here is a recap:
Saturday March, 3rd: Jacob and I flew down by ourselves and Josh, mom, and dad met up at the airport on sat night. We got our stuff and we all headed to the resort for some dinner - delivery of pizza and salad. Mom and dad left at about 8pm. We got settled and got Jacob into bed (he was in a queen sized bed by himself - we pushed it to the wall). Josh and I went to sleep shortly after Jacob did.

Sunday March 4th: Jacob did well sleeping. He only woke up once or twice - briefly and quickly went back to sleep. When he woke in the morning, he immediately said" I big boy. go see Mickey?" We were not planning on going to the Magic Kingdom until Monday so I quickly thought of a Character Breakfast. I looked online and the only place that had space available was at the Polynesian. We got tickets and trekked over for our 8:30 reservation. It was great. Mickey, Pluto, Stitch, and Lilo were there. Jacob had a blast. After breakfast we went for a monorail ride and then headed back to the resort for a little mini golf, lunch, nap, more mini golf, swimming, and then dinner out with a BHCC member and his wife at Miller's Ale House. Jacob ate really well (and behaved really well) so we let him have some ice cream. he ate all of his AND had most of Josh and my brownie sundae!!!


Monday March 5th: DISNEY! We got to Disney World at about 9am. Jacob was really excited. We decided not to take the stroller and we are SO glad we made that decision! I can not wait to get the pictures up. The first ride we went on was that Carousel, then Winnie the Pooh, then Peter Pan, then we watched Mickey's Philharmagic (3-D, which JACOB LOVED. He has been saying "Donald is silly" since we saw the show!). Then we did Small World and then headed over to Future Land. We did a few things over there. Jacob and Josh went on the Speedway while I got lunch. Then we did the People Mover and the carousel of progress and then headed out. When we were just about to Main St. USA a parade was just making its way up to the castle. We watched the parade and they stopped to have a dance party with all the people/characters. Jacob really loved that. He gave Woody a great big hug and danced with chip and dale. :) VERY cute. we headed home for a nap and then did more swimming/mini golf. we had dinner at Outback.

More to come in a later post.

Miscarriage

Yes - there is no way of going around this one. It has taken me about 2-weeks to write this, but I felt that I now need to get this out on "paper." I feel like I will not be able to record anything else until this is done - and we have a lot of fun things coming up! (Disney!)


About a week and a half after our appointment at baystate IVF to see the little one's (strong) heartbeat, I had my initial exam with Dr. O'Neill on 2/17. It was my 8-week check up and I forgot if we see the heartbeat at this one and asked Josh if he wanted to come. If it was just an information gathering session, then I didn't really need him there, but if we were to have an ultrasound I knew he would want to be there. He decided to come, which now looking back at it, I am so glad he did.


We got right into our appointment and were excited to share all the ins and outs of this pregnancy (great heat beat detected at Baystate; not a lot of pregnancy symptoms - didn't have any with Jacob; blood sugars great, do we want to schedule a Nuchal Fold exam - yes- do we want to plan on another C-Section- yes, etc). Dr. O'Neill asked if we wanted an ultrasound. He did not normally do them at 8 weeks, but the office got a new machine that they were excited about. Josh and I said yes and I proceeded to get undressed for the exam. Dr. O'Neill was looking and looking at the image on the screen. I was not immediately nervous because a baby at 8-weeks does not look like a baby. Nothing looked wrong to me. He then said "I can;t find a heartbeat, I'm sorry to say." (He was very warm and sensitive about it) He told me to get dressed and that he was going to call down to Radiology/Imaging to get a better look. I still was not that worried. I knew that 8-weeks was early to detect a heartbeat anyway and knew that 1.5 weeks prior we had just seen a strong beating heart. We walked down to Radiology and I was certain they would see something, but I was also preparing myself for the worst.


Radiology looked twice - internal exam as well as external and there was nothing. :( The baby stopped growing at about 7.5 weeks. We went back up to visit with Dr. O'Neill and have him talk about next steps - a D&C: surgery to remove the baby the next week -Thursday 2/23. I was upset, but not really crying. I remember sitting in the Dr's office waiting for him to come in actually feeling bad for him. I did not want him to feel sad that he had to tell us this news.  I was doing really well at not crying...I think that I was still in shock.


Josh and I left. He was really good about bringing up all the positive things about a miscarriage (can there be positive things?). This might of saved us from making a harder choice down the road. We can try again. We have a great little two-year-old boy at home and it is possible for us to have another one (albeit through IVF - we still have 4 frozen eggs). I was doing ok with listening to him try to encourage me until I had to call my parents. When my mom answered the phone I just about lost it. Then I realized that I would not be making a trip to the Cape to visit them and to get my maternity clothes from a friend the next day. I told my mom and dad that I would not be making the trip (I was orig going to leave on Sat and be back home on Sunday. a little solo trip to the Cape for this momma!). I needed to spend this time with Josh and Jacob.


I did not go back to work (except to pick up my car - Josh picked me up for the appointment - and tell my boss so she would know why I was not in the office.) I went home, shed some tears, and was just in disbelief. I could not wait to pick Jacob up from daycare. I wanted to give the little guy a big hug. Which, led me to be surprised when I did get him I felt even more sad/hurt. Jacob is so wonderfully perfect and this little one that I will not get to know would have been equally as special. I will never get to see this little bean do the things Jacob is doing. My heart ached. and that Jacob is so happy and he has no clue what is going on in his mommy and daddy's head/heart! Which is good, but bitter sweet to see him carry on like normal, like our world did not just get turned sideways. We went out to dinner - just the three of us - to the Hot Dog Ranch and I decided that I would still make the trip to the Cape to see my parents. After all, Josh was looking forward to some guy time with Jacob.


The next morning, Jacob and I went to music class. Josh picked Jacob up after the class and I continued down to the Cape. It felt awful knowing that there was still a baby inside me, but it was not growing anymore. I just wanted to surgery to get here and get it over with - I wanted to move on, but felt I could not with a dead baby inside me.


When I arrived on the Cape my mom and I did some shopping for our upcoming trip to Disney and my mom, dad and I went out to dinner. We watched three episodes of Friday Night Lights (season 1) and I went to bed. I headed out in the morning at about 11am and was back home a little before 3. I did well during the drive home, not really crying until I called my dad to let him know that I arrived home safely. Although, the first thing I said to him was “Do you think the baby is in heaven?” I mean to babies who die in-utero go to heaven? a baby that still has it's tail? a baby that you don't even know the gender of? We both cried and he confirmed what I had thought - yes they do go to heaven. We will meet up one day and that he/she will know that I am their momma. (insert crying as I type here). in-utero go to heaven? a baby that still has it's tail? a baby that you don't even know the gender of? We both cried and he confirmed what I had thought - yes they do go to heaven. We will meet up one day and that he/she will know that I am their momma. (insert crying as I type here).


Anyway, come Monday the bleeding began (about mid-afternoon). I went home really upset because I wanted the baby to be removed from my body in the hospital. I did not want the baby to be Peed out into toilet. The cramps were terrible and I called the on-call OBGYN who said that I I were to become light headed and/or go through 2+ pads in an hour to go to the ER. Everything was fine

until about 9pm that night. The cramps were so bad that I told Josh that I was going to call megan so that she could take me to the ER and he could stay with Jacob. I slowly walked out to the car, but as we were driving to the ER my vision started to black out – maybe from the pain? Maybe from the loss of blood? I took some deep breaths and by the time the 10-min ride was over, it had returned. I had megan go inside and request a wheelchair. I was promptly brought into the ER and they started an IV. I was in SO much pain – but it took about 1.5 hours to get any pain medication. They needed to get the blood work back, talk to the OBGYN on-call, give her the results of the blood work, and do an internal exam. Once I got the pain meds I could finally hold a conversation with megan. Within 1 minute of getting the pain meds I felt so much better! They started to become less effective after about 30 minutes, so I was given another dose, and then shortly after that, we were sent on our way. I got home a little after midnight and Jacob did not wake once (thankful!).

Dr. O’Neill still wanted to do the D&C on Thursday. So that day finally come. The surgery was easy – not painful at all and the *best* news was was that the tissue (baby) was still in my cervix so they were able to send it down to pathology. I was so relieved to know that the baby was removed in the hospital. It was just important to me to know that she/he was there and not in pipes somewhere. Sounds insane, but it was really important to me. I rested during the afternoon and felt well enough to pick Jacob up (thankful that he goes to daycare at my work which is ½ a mile down the road). When we were walking to the car he said something that almost made me lose – he wanted to know where his baby sister was. He kept on asking and asking “where’s my baby sister? Where’s my baby sister?”

I was amazed by how much better I felt after the surgery was over. Psychologically I was in a much better place. We spoke to our IVF nurses and they said we can try again after two periods – they put me on birth control so it will be somewhat predictable as sometimes my cycles are so irregular. I don’t want to be waiting and waiting for my period to come. I am ready to try again….I would do it tomorrow if I were able.

In the past when ever I heard of people going through grief after a miscarriage, I thought, yes it is sad, but thought to myself, but they didn’t actually know the baby so it can’t be that sad. Not that I ever discounted their feelings, I just thought that while sad to have gone through that, I did not think that *if* it were to ever happen to me that I would be that shaken up over it. Boy, was I wrong……EXTREMELY WRONG. It is a loss a real loss…the loss of a child. And it is especially hard on the mom I think. You are supposed to do everything you can to protect your child and you feel like you failed at that job. Yes, I know things happen and I did everything right and it was not my fault, but I still feel like I failed this child.

This was a terrible/sad/depressing experience. One that I wish I never had to go through (or anyone else for that matter), but Josh and I both agree that if it is the worst thing that ever happens to us then we will be lucky. I was shocked by how said I really was. Yes we lost a baby and that is terribly sad and horrible, but it is so different than losing a child that you have held in your arms. I could not imagine being a parent of a baby that passed within a few hours of being born or a parent to a toddler going through cancer. Going through a miscarriage is terrible, I don’t want to make light of it, but that is a tragedy.

So – on that note, we are optimistic that we will be pregnant again soon. In the meantime, I am going to try to lose 10 more lbs! And we will be trying again ASAP. I am excited to give Jacob a baby sibling  - yes, it will take a little longer than we originally though, but we will get there I am sure of it! And how special will this little one be?!?!?! She/he will be a gift – a gift that this angel baby gave to us.

8-Weeks

Last Monday (2/6) Josh and I went down to Baystate for our Pregnancy Ultrasound. It was a great visit, though I did get really sick on the way down and back. The baby's heartbeat is 126, which is a little above average for a 6w5d bean. The nurses were really happy with how everything looked. I will add a picture or two as soon as I can figure out how! :)

Here is the weekly post I will try to do:

How far along? 8 weeks
Total weight gain? no counting yet, but down 6 lbs from mid-December
Maternity clothes? nope. but they are starting to feel tighter already. Though, unfortunately, they were already on the "not feeling quite right" stage to begin with , so I don't have that much room to grow.
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep? As good as I can with a toddler who still wakes 1-2 times a night (most nights)
Best moment this week: Last week - 2/6 saw the heart beat 126 beats/min, which is very good
Miss Anything? Nope
Movement? not yet
Food cravings: Not really anything. Cape Cod Chips from time to time.
Gender? UKN
Labor Signs/Symptoms? Nope
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

Hockey and other things

So, a few months ago, Josh bought Jacob a few mini hockey sticks and nets. He has been wanting to play non stop! from the time he wakes to the time he goes to bed he wants to play hockey non-stop in his little play room. And, actually, if I do say so myself, he is pretty good - left handed, but pretty good! Jacob has now thrown us for a loop as he wants to play with an imaginary puck. Imagination is all well and good, but playing hockey with a 2-year-old and an imaginary puck is quite the challenge, as I never "see" it where Jacob "sees" it. I am always going to retrieve the "puck" from the wrong place. It is pretty funny. Jacob also has a "helmet" "gloves" and "skates" as do mommy and daddy (and whoever else is playing with him - the babysitter, grandma, or grandpa!). We love you Jacob - our little sports fanatic!

We are also getting ready for Jacob's first trip to Disney  in early March. It is taking FOREVER to get here! But, I am sure Jacob is going to have a blast. We are going to take it easy. Spend most our days at the resort, one day at the Magic Kingdom, and one day at the Animal Kingdom. Fun. Fun. Fun!

Josh and I are getting really excited for #2! 7w2d today and I am feeling OK. My sinuses have been clogged for the past 2 weeks - no smell at all! and my back hurts from time to time, which I experienced with Jacob, although it is not as bad this time. I have only gotten sick twice (once on our way down to Baystate and once on the way back home) and that hit me like a ton of bricks! Other than that, I am good and looking forward to this pregnancy (maybe our last?).

Last night Jacob did really well sleeping in his bed! He went to sleep with out a peep (read books, sang a few short songs - twinkle twinkle little star and itsy bitsy spider with finger movements! - and then said I was going to mommy's bed and gave him a kiss). VAST improvement from 40+ minutes of singing. and singing. and singing. He woke up 3Xs within 20 minutes around 12am (nightmares?) and then we heard him singing to himself (ABC's and Row Row Row Your Boat) at 6:30am! Pretty good!

-Angie

Jacob: 27 months

Jacob! I am going to start writing you monthly letters....yes, your mommy is a little late with this, but better late than never, right! I am absolutely loved these 27 months! You are such a little gift and daddy and I love you VERY much! Right now you are adjusting to sleeping in your "big boy" bed. You have never been a really good sleeper...we have had some rough nights, weeks, heck, even months! But - about a month ago, it was time. Right after Christmas Grandma and I redid your room (no longer was it about puppies and kitties --Hogan, Simba, Cooper-- it was no all about cars and trucks!). The night after we a change in the decor you slept all night only getting up to get mommy twice! It was FANTASTIC. Since then there have been nights spent on your floor (hey, it isn't mommy and daddy's bed), but those are few and far between. What is also helping is getting a sticker every morning you sleep all night in your bed. You put it on your sticker chart or your 'ist (a list we made together of your bedtime routine). You even pick one out for mommy - because, after all, I slept all night in my bed, too! I am starting to tell you that when you wake during the night you can just roll over and go back to sleep...you don't always have to get mommy. For the past three nights you have only woken up one, which is GREAT!!!

Ok - what else have you been up to: You are talking up a storm. I think your brain is working so fast you stutter trying to get the words out - pretty cute. You LOVE playing hockey in the house...all.the.time! You enjoy puzzles and playing a new animal matching game mommy got you a few weeks back. You really love books, which is great. You watch a little TV - mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Barney, and other shows on Disney, Jr.

We are going to Disney World in March and you are so looking forward to it! Whenever you see Mickey or the Castle you say: Mickey..Maarrrch.  and you proceed to "march" around the house. :) VERY cute.

You are wearing size 5 diapers, 18-24 month clothes (some 2T) and a size 7 shoe. I am guessing you weigh close to 30 lbs.

What I am most proud of is your kindness to your friends, parents, grandparents, and animals. You say please and thank-you most of the time on your own and if you think someone may be sad you give them a kiss or just say "hug" and go give them a hug. You are a ball of energy and mommy's little man. I love you lots.

XOXO,
Mommy

Positive

And the result is...positive!
I am ....
Positively excited about this new little one
Positively nervous about the unknown
Positively certain that Jacob will be an outstanding big brother
Positively thankful for IVF and modern medicine
Positive this little babe will be the center of his/her grandparents' world (along with big brrother, Jacob)

Dear little one:
We love you so very much and can not wait for your arrival. Even at this early in the game we pray for your health. I look at Jacob and wonder what you will be like? Will you have his dimples? blonde hair? Will you be a ball of energy like he is (no doubt!)? What will your personality be like? Shy? outgoing? You will be special - mommy's little one. You have a great big brother to show you the ropes and a gret daddy who is excited to have another golf partner! I did not blog with your brother's pregancy, but you have taught me that things go so quickly and I need to be better about documenting things. As I write to you and about my time pregnant with you, I know I will also remember being pregnant with your brother and document my time with him as well. You are a gift, little one! Grow strong and we will see you in September!

XO
Momma